Better November

The rainy season has started. It's not that I hate rain, but I just don't like getting wet. What I love the most about rain is the sky after a long rain - so clean, so calm, so tender, and the scent left by the water dropping from the sky. It feels so good, as if the rain was clearing the messy sky and turned it into a brand new paper where you can write your dreams.

It's been approx two months here and I'm getting used to the environment. Although, there are times I feel like missing the old times so much, just a bit. Not missing them doesn't mean I forget em all; I put it in a precious box inside my heart and locked it, so whenever I feel like it, I may open the box and grab some minutes to go screen saver while remembering those moments, letting my mind wander somewhere else... A daydreamer I am indeed :D

It's funny how my almost-18-years habit of getting up early every week day is being left, now that my schedule is irregular, and the staying-up-late habit is getting worse. I tend to get sleepy during the day and become fully awake during the night - am I turning into some kind of nocturnal being? But they say it's normal for college students. Okay, then.

At first I may have doubts coming here, and honestly I still am, but it's decreasing day by day. I'm starting to believe that this may be the rightest choice after all. The people here are nice and welcoming, within two months they have succeeded making me feel like a part of them. My new friends... we get close quite fast, considering that my major only has one class and that I will be trapped for five years with them in the same boat. And since the ratio between girls and boys is so imbalanced - we girls are just one third of the population - we get to know each other very well. Too well, I can say. 

I have been studying that damn hard since elementary, now I'm trying to be more... relaxed somehow, and try to do new things. I realize that studying is not the only thing that's going to be needed, although it is ultra essential - I need to try new things, new experience. I need to socialize more. Without leaving the studies, of course. And perhaps pursuing something I have put aside for so long... *blink*

And a little promotion here...

Just recently downloaded Taylor Swift new album "RED". Pretty cool. Love the singles "I Almost Do", "I Knew You Were Trouble", "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together", "Everything Has Changed".

Oh yeah, and this oldies song I come to love, "I Believe My Heart", I just realized it was Duncan James who sang it, featuring Keedie. Ohohohoho love it so much, the melody, the lyrics, the singer, the meaning. That is definitely a  must-listen track. And Kanayan new album, "Love Place", her voice is cheerful as always, I admire her high-pitch voice. My favorites are "Tatoe Donna Ni...", "Love Song", "Watashitachi", "My Place". And last, there's this song I hardly get off of my mind... "Anata ni Deawanakereba" from the anime Natsuyuki Rendezvous. Not sure bout the anime, I just love the song. Hyahaha.

All in all, I'm hoping the best for all, pray for the mid-term test, and a better day for tomorrow~

How does it feel like

When life is getting back to normal. Again.

Approximately 4 months off (from school), probably the longest break I've ever had in my last 18 years of living... I gotta admit that sometimes I felt bored during those times, but now thinking that it was so much better to do nothing.

It feels like jumping back to the first days of my high school. I entered the same institution in elementary and junior high, so it was like no problem because when we were children it was so so much easier to get friends, like, "Hey what's your name? Let's play together!". But in the first days of my high school, it was kinda hard that I had to be separated from my old friends. Completely new environment and people surrounding me.


And it's funny that I miss my high school now. Three years being together with them almost all the time really dragged me into them, being part of their family. I hope it does too here in my college.

My wish stays the same : living a good life and then graduating with good grades. Isn't that typical for students. Because life is just too short to mess up. And I hope that the internet will get along with me whenever I need it :)

A Little Drive to the Past

I truly pity children these days in my country. Really. Every time I turn on the TV, never have I found an interesting cartoon or children program to watch. What's with Shaun The Sheep or Bernard the Bear? Do they even talk? Huh?

So I am grateful that I was born in the right era where people appreciate children that they put lotsa good cartoons and animes on TV, thank you. I'm gonna talk about it a little, just pieces of them I still remember.

Doraemon and Friends

Haven't you recognized this pic? Oh, of course you have. You must be living in a different century for not knowing this pic.

Yesh, it is the so-called DORAEMON~

The 21st-century-robocat who comes to Nobita's house for helping him to study and cope up with life. Or that is how I interpret it. He has a round head and blue skin.  His specialty is his pocket (there it is, attached on his belly, but not permanent you see. It can be stolen like it's just stuck there by glue or something hihi). It contains the whole planet's equipments but it stays slim and personally it kinda looks like a pantie. Whatevs. He also has a spare pocket he hides and in some urgent times, he gives it to Nobita just in case he needs it.
Although he is a robot, he talks a lot from his mind, and if I have to say, he thinks like a wise 40-year-old man. He is scared of mice. Over all he is the most lovely robot you can ever have :)

From the left, the red shirt boy is Nobita, the big one is Giant (his real name is Takeshi, I believe), the blue shirt boy is Suneo, and the only girl there is Shizuka. Nobita is such a clumsy, not-good-at-anything, regular boy who loves to take a nap a lot and cries a lot too that he's such a poor hopeless main character. His only good point perhaps is that he cares about other people a lot, and he is a loyal person. He is such a lucky guy for having Doraemon by his side. Giant is the main troublemaker. He loves to sing, but he doesn't realize how dreadful his voice is, that is capable for chasing away pests. He often drags Nobita to play baseball with him. Suneo is a rich boy and loves to show off. He's a good friend of Giant. Shizuka, as the only girl, is loved by all as she is beautiful, smart, cheerful, and everything that's good.

Doraemon is probably the first manga and anime I watched. Nobita and friends are all in 4th grade. I watched Doraemon ever since I was in kindegarten, and after I was in middle school and now - getting ready for college - they are all still stuck in the 4th grade. This is a splendid work of Fujiko F. Fujio-sensei.
Doraemon used to air every Sunday at 8 o'clock in the morning, and I used to watch every episode of it :)

Honey Bee Hutch

And here is our beloved honey-bee, named Hachi. The title of the anime is "HONEY BEE HUTCH"
Unlike other animes whose main characters are human, Honey Bee Hutch centers on a honey bee, Hachi, who is searching for her mother. Who is apparently the queen of honey-bee (you'll find it in the last episodes). He flies here and there, across the land and sea, hoping to find her mother. His adventure is quite interesting for a child, and it teaches us how not to give up before reaching your dream. I watched this series until the very last episode with my mom (I dunno why but she's interested with the story too). We used to take the seats in front of the TV once the clock turned to 6 o'clock in the evening. Although I cannot remember clearly the story, but I believe this story is inspiring. "Mama... Mama... Where are you?"

Akazukin Cha-Cha

Hyaa! This one is my fave too : AKAZUKIN CHA-CHA
The red-hood girl is Cha-Cha, the main character. She's clumsy, ridiculous (most of all the times), and not brilliant at all. She is the student of Seravi, the number one wizard, they say. The blue hair boy is Riya, he is also the student of Seravi (I think). He is more stupid than Cha-Cha, or maybe they're just the same. They like each other, by the way. And the black hair boy is Shine, he's smarter than the others, but he falls into stupidity by playing with them. He has a crush on Cha-Cha, unfortunately a unrequited love (haha). Poor Shine. He is the student of Dorothy, whom Seravi has a crush on. All of em live in Mochi-Mochi Mountain. All in all the plot is quite complicated, although I understand and remember them clearly, but it'll take pages to explain it. To make it short, they are wizards, or wizard students, who learn magic in a school called Urara. The manga tells the everyday story of them which is ridiculous yet funny and interesting to read. While the anime, aside from telling their comedy-like-life, also tells stories how they save the world. When they face an enemy, Cha-Cha will turn into a young lady powerful enough to defeat their enemy using magic arrow, dagger, and the last weapon... Uh I cannot remember. Haha. Sorry.

I used to watch this on TV every Saturday at 8 o'clock in the morning (even my mom hadn't woken up by that time, so I alone got up for the sake of watching Cha-Cha hehe). I was so determined. I was.

Creamy Mami

Minky Momo

The left pic is CREAMY MAMI while the right pic is MINKY MOMO~
The two of them have a kinda similar plot, I think. Creamy Mami tells a story about a girl who can transform into a young lady who is good at singing, thus she becomes a singer (only after she transforms). While Minky Momo tells a story about a girl from a different planet who can transform into a young lady with any profession she desires (like a teacher, policewoman, etc) depending on her circumstances or her needs. She stays on earth with her foster parents. She has two pets which I forget their names hehe.
Both animes used to air in the afternoon almost every day.


to be continued...

So Random, Indeed.

I wonder how a day could be so decisive yet the others are just... meaningless?

First of June. The day when internet goes faster. The day when Snow White and The Huntsman starts to play at the theaters. The day when I still can wake up late. And I still remember what I dreamed : the days I spent before National Exam. The teachers went berserk especially the biology one. Um, hello, the National Exam week was like ages ago, and the results are out, so why the hell did I still dream about it? Someone must've downloaded the wrong video for my dream.

As I said, National Exam is over, all the rush, stress, papers, disasters, and other thingamabobs I cannot mention - they're all gone. Just a few business remains and, sayonara high school. For real. For eternity. 14 years spent in school uniforms, waking up early in da morning, homeworks and all ... So long, eh.


Anyway I'm grateful now that I don't have to worry about scores for a while. I just want to talk random now hehe.

Ummm soooo as I had nothing to do (actually I still am), that spirit of "trying sumtin new" arose once more. Actually not like I'm gonna try bungee jumping or what. I just love to try new food and beverages (now I mention it.). And for a suggestion, never leave me to do the grocery shopping. I just realize it myself that I'm such a biiiig spender! When I saw all the fresh fruits, I felt like buying them all, even though my brain kept asking, "What species is this fruit?" *forgive me I'm a science student after all teeheeeheee*
A few days ago I went shopping by myself to the place where the fruits are of good qualities. If any girls in this world would love to go sightseeing on clothes or accessories, I prefer fruits and snacks. Really. I bought some fruits : african freemont orange of which skin color seems to be convincing, bangkok lychee - yea I rarely see this fruit around but I know it tastes great, a bali orange which is extremely huge, and something that looks like korean pear. FYI they are all still in my fridge as I'm writing this lol.

Oh, and I find this new fave drink. It's called "Milkis" from Lotte. It's funny how it tastes half soda, a quarter milk, and a quarter bubble gum. They sure know how to make a good mixture.

Somehow I'm obsessed with Temple Run. I play it like at least half an hour a day. I know that I'm kinda down-to-date, my friends were all so into it months ago, and I held back myself as those moments were crucial for a final year student like me. And now that all hell breaks loose, I can do whatever I wish. I'm starting to get interested in Doraemon Fishing 2, I know perfectly tiz is a 3+ games but still I love it! Especially the expression of Doraemon when I accidentally catch a shark hihi. I wonder when will all my talents on playing games return to me. They got dull since I studied too much. Ooops.

Recently I have been listening to korean ballad a lot. Most of em are drama soundtracks. Somehow they fit my ears though I don't exactly know what they are saying (haha). I have been trying to look at some TV dramas other than Supernatural but it seems that Supernatural is still the bestest hoho. I was curious when I saw the ad of "The Walking Dead" but I ended up getting sleepy watching it and partly disgusted for seeing too many zombies. Somehow the beginning of the story reminded me of Resident Evil - Why do they always have to start it in a hospital? I was interested in CSI earlier and it kinda made me shocked when the DVD seller told me that there are many seasons of CSI and which CSI I was talking about - Las Vegas, Miami, or New York? And I was like "Whaaat? How should I know? Isn't there a normal CSI?" So the DVD seller needed to explain me more before I ended up buying the first season of New York series. I just watched 2 eps of it and eventually got bored because it doesn't actually as interesting as I imagined, and also the subtitle to blame. It's so hard to understand when they speak too fast plus using jargon everywhere - it is still hard even if the subtitle is complete since the slang words are everywhere too :(

One day I went to a book store with my mom. She went and left me not knowing what to do since all the comics are sealed (too bad...). Well whaddya expect. She found a novel and sat down to read it. I had no choice but to find something good to read or I'll be dead because of the boredom. So I took a book, comic style, telling stories about the history of some Chinese Surnames, how and where did they come from. I lost my will to read after seeing the first 5 pages then I decided to grab a book about baby names, remembering my aunt had asked me to find a good name for his born-to-be son. So... about an hour later I successfully read them from A to Z and my mom still hadn't finished her novel! Ohmigod.


Okay enough random talks. I'll continue it some times later.

Esperanza (Hope)

This is a unique song from Nishino Kana with latin style music and of course her pure high pitch voice I favor so much! Perhaps it sounds like a happy song, but it is actually a sad love story of a girl.
Download and enjoy! :)
Here's the lyrics plus the translation :

Kimi e no omoi wo kogashiteku taiyou
Mune no takanari wo tomenaide itai no
Kanawanai koi to omoitakunai yo
Tatoe mirai ga mienakute mo

The sun burns my feelings for you
I don’t want to stop the violent beating of my heart
I don’t want to think this is a hopeless love
Even if that means the future becomes unclear

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Kimi no egao ga mabushi sugite
Marude natsu no taiyou mitai de
Motto hayaku ni deattetara
Hitorijime dekita no kana
Chakushin ki ni suru shisen ga setsunai
Ano ko ni naritai
Tada kokoro dake ga sakenderu

Your smile is too dazzling
It shines like the summer sun
Could I have made you mine
If we had met sooner?
I keep checking for messages with a sad glance
I want to become that girl
My heart is shouting

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara
Motto yasashiku dekiru no ni
Nani ga tari nai no?
Nani ga makete iru no?
Dare yori suki na no ni

If I was that girl
I would be much kinder to you
What am I lacking?
How is she better than me?
I love you more than anyone, but…

Soudan aite ni sareru tabi ni
Harisake souna kokoro wo kaku shiteru
Kuchi wo kiku tabi kitai shiteru
Watashitte ZURUI no kana

Whenever you confide in me
I hide my broken heart
Whenever you complain about her
I get my hopes up. Is that mean?

Konnani chikaku ni iru no ni
todokanai, ano ko ni narenai
Tada kokoro dake ga kowareteku

You’re so close to me yet I can’t reach you
I can’t become that girl
My heart is breaking

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara
Kitto wagamama iwanai no ni
Nani mo iranai no nani mo kowakunai no
Dare yori suki dakara

If I was that girl
I would never be selfish
I wouldn’t need anything
I wouldn’t be afraid of anything
Because I love you more than anyone

Kimi e no omoi wo kogashite iku taiyou
Mune no takanari wo tomenaide hoshii no
Kanawanai koi to omoitakunai yo
Itsuka mirai wo kaetai kara
The sun burns my feelings for you
I want you to keep making my heart beat violently
I don’t want to think this is a hopeless love
Because I want to change the future someday

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no yasashisa wo shiritakute
Ato sukoshi dake soba ni isasete
Tatta hitori watashi dake wo mite
My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your kindness
Let me be with you a little longer
Look at no one but me

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute
Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara zutto
Kimi dake mi teru no ni
Nani ga okotte mo nani ga jama wo shite mo
Dare yori suki dakara

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you
If I was that girl
I would always look at you only
Whatever might happen
Whatever might interfere
Because I love you more than anyone

credits for : http://makikawaii-jklyrics.blogspot.com/2011/05/kana-nishino-esperanza-lyrics.html

Myself - Chieko Motoda (translation)

Why, oh why do I love you so much?
My tears overflow this much

Back in that time, there was so much to lose that I couldn't sing
anything
A place just a little ways away--That was where I was

That day, deep in your eyes, I saw the loneliness
Are the two of us really alike?
If I'd realized it, you were always by my side

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings inside me so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
From afar, I realize it now

Like a lost child, crying and searching
But there was no such thing as forever

"It's okay if you don't believe in anyone" you whispered
Were the two of us really alike?
And I decided then I would protect you

Why can't I turn them to memories
You're too far, too near for me to reach
The more I tell myself "I will forget"
The larger you loom in my thoughts

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings (inside me) so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
I realize it now from afar

Why do I love you so much?
It's so easy I just can't answer



(credits to : www.gendou.com) 

March Story

Sometimes I think to myself, if I were Wendy and I met Peter Pan, I would like to accept his offer to stay as a child for eternity. Being a grown up is not as fun as I used to think. As a child you always want to grow up so you can practically do anything you want without parents saying no to everything you want to try. Honestly, that’s an absolutely wrong thought and someone has to clarify that. “Kids, why don’t you just live your childhood to your fullest?”

The more you grow up, the bigger responsibility you ought to take, the clearer you see how this cruel world really is, the more you know the things you’d wish you never knew. I’m turning 18 years old this year, but why deep inside I feel like nothing has changed since I was 12? This feeling, this way of thinking, this smile, my definition of happiness… Time has passed, my body has grown taller, but some things sure never change.

When I checked my calendar, I was like “Gosh, it’s March already.”

In less than two months I’ll be doing my national exam. Graduation, and then start a new path as a college student. Should I be happy? I dunno, how should I know when my thoughts and feeling are all mixed up? It feels like riding a roller coaster without a mental preparation, where you’re forced to go through a journey in a high speed – so fast till you don’t even know what you’ve been through and choose to close your eyes instead.

There are lots of things bugging my mind. School, friends, family, future, love… Why are there so many aspects in one’s life? Hm.

As a third grader, this year is my final year studying in a school. I’ve been doing endless exams and studying lately, yet I still feel so far from being prepared. Senior high is a real thing, so much different from junior high back then. I need to consider everything, every step I take. It’s just that I’m still stuck with my old friend, carelessness. Why can’t I just make friends with luck? Where has he gone? Luck hasn’t been around lately. And I have to blame myself for being down – hate to admit it but I’m just the type to feel down when something doesn’t go as I expected. I hate losing, but I hate myself even more for not being able to accept a loss. When I received the results of my recent practice test, they’re not as good as I have expected. And it makes me wonder why. Why is it when I feel like I can do it, the results turn out to be the other way around? Is it what they call “Man proposes, God disposes?” Gah. Seriously.

Today my teacher told me a story. Well, he had told it the other day, but I believe he just loves that story that he doesn’t mind to repeat it once again. Okay. I don’t need to re-tell the story (to keep the copyright), so I just take the moral lesson (or coda, in English lesson).

“When you love someone, you just have to pursue him/her before it gets too late.”

Don’t get me wrong, there’s no love lesson in my school, but he happened to tell a story about his past and it is quite interesting, indeed. Honestly, I felt touched listening to story, like, “Why why why the story just fits mine?” It makes me re-think about my own position. I felt like being the girl in the story, or was it just my imagination? (who knows?) And I asked myself, “Is this how my story’s gonna end if I keep everything silent?”

Like I said. It’s not that I don’t want to, but there are lots of things need to be considered. My head keeps playing the same picture I don’t wish to see. The day I ought to say “good bye” and regret all the things I’ve done. I can’t bear it, I’d rather stay in the safe place. But it’s not okay anyway…

Just if my life was like the Sims, when I took a wrong step, I could re-do it all over again. But in fact I can’t, this life is only once.

Over all, I’m still grateful that I have lots of good people surrounding me. My friends, I know I can trust and rely on them. My besties, I know they will always be there for me. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

I know that I can’t stay like this forever, I need to grow up, mentally. Somehow.

Reminiscence of a Day

All of sudden I woke up and forgot the dreams I just had.
In a blink of an eye, I saw the sunlight coming through the window.
I heard my dad watering the plants at the front yard. He always did.
My body was not willing to be moved, I chose to hid under the blanket.
Ah yes, I'd fall asleep for another hour,
then decided to wake up due to a certain TV show I always watched.
My dad came and asked, "What do you want for breakfast?"
I answered, "Anything."
He decided by himself and went outside.
There was nothing to do,
Ah, what a peaceful day.

I knew exactly what happened next.
When he didn't have anything to do,
he'd turn on the stereo,
picking one of the old CD collections from his era,
and started to hum the melody by his own, not knowing the lyrics.
"I know this song!"
And I hummed too.

"...Somewhere between your heart and mine

There's a window that I can't see through

There's a wall so high it reaches the sky

Somewhere between me and you..."

I know his favorite song.
I know his favorite food.
He loves to smile a lot even when he doesn't feel like it.
He never complaints even though he had to wake up early in the morning
and sleep late in the night.
He covers me with blanket in the middle of the night
when it gets cold and I


Now I'm typing behind my desk.
It's a pitch black night, I'm all alone.
Stressed out for a certain reason.
But, listening to these kinds of songs,
It brings back memories.
Ever feel like crying for nothing? I feel like a fool now.
But I realize that those days ain't coming back. Never.
This is just a reminiscence of a day.

I have a dream.

Someday far far away, where you can grab your own star and every wish is nearly granted.
We hold hands and dance around the moon, just you and me.
And when the night is late, the clouds are ready to serve as our beds.
I slowly hum the songs we used to sing a lot back then as I try to close my eyes.
Yes. Those lyrics. My favorite.
You giggle silently and I pretend not to see it.
That night, for the very first time, I feel like my worry has shifted.
Because I know,
When I open my eyes, you will be right there beside me.
Those sleepless nights I spent alone wondering when you would return.
Those restless days I spent alone wondering if I were no good for you.
Now that you're here, there's no reason for me to cry anymore.
I like it here.
I wish I didn't need to wake up tomorrow.
Forever this way...