One Lesson

If I were to mention one lesson I had tried real hard to understand, that would be, the lesson to let something go.

I lived a happy childhood life and my kind of happiness was defined so simple that you might have heard the tweet by @disneywords saying “We can’t buy happiness, but we can buy Disney DVDs and that’s kinda the same” more or less. I remember being addicted to cartoons and animes, watching one single movie more than five times and that’s why I vividly remember some old Disney movies, whereas now it’s so hard to barely remember the plot of a movie I watched, say, last month. How Cinderella found her prince charming, how your happiness is waiting after you went into a big trouble; I was impressed by the saying “And they live happily ever after” and the tagline “Just believe and everything’s okay.”

Truth is, after living for quite some times, life is not that simple. Nothing lasts forever; whoever says otherwise, they are obviously lying. As time goes by you will see that life is a constant change. One day may be a moment of bliss, yet tomorrow may be a trap of hell. The very person you hold dear to your heart today may end up breaking you down tomorrow. There are so many aspects in one’s life you cannot expect them to go well at once. And life is definitely full of choices, indeed; the point is not which one is the right choice, but how you do what you choose properly. It’s hard to deny that your environment and the people around you, aside from your heart and your logic, also affect your choices.  

There are many, many choices I have made until now. And not to say, there would always be critics and disagreements for the choices I have made. There is this one thing I have quietly decided and lately some have criticized it so badly that I’m getting tired of listening to them. It is not that I didn’t give it a thought before making a decision and why I’m still holding on to it. Perhaps I need to admit that there is a selfish part of mine I cannot explain nor understand also took part in it. At first I only took it lightly just like Sunday morning breeze, but nowadays it feels like a terror, although still I’m trying my best not to pay attention to much to it.

As for the choice I have made, I didn’t make it halfway. I have prepared myself for the worst case possible; if I am to let it go, believe me, I am more than ready. I don’t want to regret it nor sulk in the misery which may come afterwards. I will take them as happy memories and treasure them instead. I am not praying this to happen, though. I still want to believe and cherish it as much as I can. What I am doing now is convincing myself why I am taking this road and that there is no such thing as returning. Let’s just enjoy it for a while.

If I were to think of every little detail, I might not be able to smile today. Thus, I just need to think of happy things and be grateful for whatever happened and will happen. You cannot expect something to stay the same, can you? And there is just no meaning to pull it so hard when it’s not meant to be. That’s when I realize, every encounter must end up with good bye. And that’s where you need to let it all go. There is only two good options : forget it for it’s too painful to bear, or, save it in your heart as a precious memory.

One

I have always loved this song. The lyrics are simple yet deeply touching, and quite explain some things hoho. First time listening to it when I was signing up to an online game and I came to love it ever since. Turns out to be an ost for a korean drama too. Beautifully sung :) Might want to do a cover for it someday.

When, I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one.
You didn't say a word to me,
But love was in the air.

Then you held my hand
Pulled me into your world
From then on my life
Has changed for good
Now I'll never feel lonely again
Cause you are in my life.

Love,
How can I explain to you?
The way I feel inside when I think of you
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don't you ever forget that I love you.

Love, I know that someday real soon
You'll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can't be together now.
Remember I am here for you.
When I know you're there for me.

Whenever I long to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you're here
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real
Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don't know dear, but I know we are One...

Halfway to Christmas~

is the other way to say that rite now is July, meaning, we have half a year to go to Christmas. Oh how I always love Christmas and the joy it brings, everything just seems to be good.

Like I said, it's July now and it's been months since my last post hoho. I am kinda expecting dry season anytime now, but truth is, it's been raining a lot, like, almost everyday. Good thing I already bought an umbrella. The weather is just unstable lately that it's getting hard to predict even by the meteorologists. Is this an impact of the green house effect, I wonder.

A few weeks earlier was the final exam week, and I had six exams in about two weeks. It wasn't as crazy as it was back in school when I got like fourteen exams in a week, phew, everyday was just like hell. I even calculated the time I had to read from chapter to chapter, how much I had left for eating dinner. Now is a lot, let's say, calmer, though the stress was almost even. I just couldn't bring myself to love exams, who could anyway? After all the exams were gone, we are now welcoming the holiday, a long one. A long one that you wish it ended soon. They didn't give a break here at all between odd and even semester, so it's kinda like they save it for the end of the even semester. I used to love long holiday, I mean, who don't? Holiday in my dictionary is defined as the times when you can sleep all day long, watch movies you have postponed during school days all you want, nothing to do, nothing to think about, meeting your old folks and having some fun. Holidays between school days were never seem to be enough that you wished they prolonged it for another week. However, now, I don't know anymore. I don't get that excited to welcome a holiday. I mean, it's a good thing you can go home and not staying at your boarding house instead, but I might have forgotten what it feels like to be home, since home didn't feel like home anymore :'(

A lot of things had happened I couldn't even remember the detail since the last time I wrote. They are not joking when they say "You're gonna miss high school", cause, I am! I am, I am, I very am missing high school, when everything looks more... proper, in order. Rite now is just so messy. Sometimes I feel like living someone else' life, when someone is calling to your name and you respond just because it's the name of the role you're playing. Weird, eh. But somehow I manage to keep things straight, at least, holding on to my basic principles. Although, along the way, I might have hurt some people I never intend to... Seems like you truly cannot please everyone. 

Okay, the thing is that, when I make someone cry, I do cry, too. Such a troublesome self :(

The next thing I can't bear is to see someone nice getting hurt and I just cannot do anything but to stay silent and hope times will heal the pain. Time is the best medicine after all.

Anyway I finally got my hands on Supernatural season 8! Isn't it nice to see them  back in action? :D

 

I have been waiting for the season to be completed so I can watch the episodes in marathon style. I am still excited to see the Winchesters back in action, but I gotta admit that the plots are getting hazier. Like, in a time Castiel would be a good guy, then he went berserk, then became a good guy again. And then Dean, he went to hell, then was pulled back by Castiel to earth, then traveled to purgatory. Two things you got after watching the show are that you couldn't believe in Angels anymore for we are not certain that they are actually good or bad, and, how easy it is to travel between Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory as if you were taking a vacation. Fortunately I'm quite grown up for not being brainwashed by such show hihi so I still enjoy em. Last episode shows that the angels are falling from sky. This, quite makes me curious what happens next, but we need to save it for next year. I hope next season will be better :)

Some times ago when I was doing my regular check on Yahoo's headlines, I found this heart-shocking article about one of my fave artists, Charice Pempengco. The article was talking about her confession for being a lesbian and that she apologized for being so :( That was, ultimately, shocking! I kinda understand though, that she did have a bad experience with guys for having an abusive father and it might have been the cause. Just because she is a lesbian, doesn't mean I hate her now, I still love her and her voice which is truly amazing now and then. We can leave the tiny details, can't we? I still am her fans and praying the best for her :)

Below (Charice now and then)

             

Dear March, Hi.

The rainy season is supposed to end anytime soon but a few days ago it rained like hell. And my weak self has caught cold three times consecutively since January... I hate it when I catch a cold, my voice drops to alto all of sudden and I have to spend at least one pack of picnic tissue. And I get sleepy all the time with dizzy head all day. And I sneeze a lot to the point that my eyes start to cry. I wonder why I am so weak anyway…

This time, last year, was pretty hectic. No, REAL hectic, because I was preparing myself to face the so-called-National Exam. It was frustrating and all… I’m just glad now that I have graduated with quite satisfying scores. March this year is still hectic, but in a whole different case.

I’m not sure where I am going now nor what is waiting for me in store. It feels like walking on a path with a thick fog blocking your way so you cannot actually see your destination. But I’m hanging on with all of my might because there’s no such thing like going back, and I cannot fall either - even if I know that every single piece in me starts to fall apart. Like a landslide. Landslide in my heart.

There are times when I feel like sitting without doing a thing, and I come to realize that it has become a habit to me, a poor habit that I know I should get rid of it real quick. As I go screen saver, I notice that the world keeps moving forward while I’m left behind. So sad, living in the current year, but my head and my heart are living in another year. Like a zombie. But zombies don’t have hearts – I do. So I’m not actually a zombie, to make it clear.

It’s frightening how this essay is going to the wrong topic with each sentence I type.

I used to write a lot, now that I rarely write, I just realize my writing is getting hazy. I need to work on it somehow. As for closing tonite… I think I want to re-write some lyrics for my cherished ones.

“I’ll make a wish for you and hope it will come true,

That life would just be kind to such a gentle mind.

If you lose your way, think back on yesterday

Remember me this way…

Remember me this way.”