Dear my beloved,

Lately I started reading novels - an activity I have not done for a long time. I have finished two novels : Danielle Steel's "Friends Forever" and Cecelia Ahern's "Love, Rosie" (or "Where Rainbow Ends" in some countries). I have been reading Sparks' "The Choice" as the film is about to come out, but I haven't finished it yet. So, I'm not going to tell you about the later.

I borrowed "Friends Forever" from a friend of mine who enjoys reading English novel as much as I do. It is a hard copy and quite big, unlike my usual novels which are small and rather light. I know that you don't like to read at all, so I don't think you wouldn't mind if I tell you the stories anyway. I won't count this as a spoiler - unlike you who like to spoil the ending to me when you have watched a movie earlier!

"Friends Forever" tells a story about 5 people who have been friends since their childhood years : Izzie, Gabby, Sean, Andy, and Billy. The novel is told in the third-person view. Izzie is a kind and caring girl with busy parents who end up in a divorce. As the story progresses, Izzie becomes the center of the story. Gabby is described as a beautiful girl who dreams of being a model/actress and becomes the childhood-sweetheart of Billy. Billy himself is a sweet boy who dreams of being a professional football player (I hope I don't get the sport wrong because I kind of forget the exact sport). Andy, ever since a child, is determined to be a doctor one day, following his parents' step. While Sean is obsessed to criminal thingy who eventually grows up to be a FBI agent. 

The story starts when they met in the kindergartens. I actually feel like following their lives since the beginning. It is a nice story in the beginning until things start to collapse one by one and turn this story into a series of tragedies. Gabby who was just about to become famous died of a car accident because she happened to be at the wrong place at a wrong time. Billy who was totally brokenhearted needed like years to move on from this tragedy, but when he finally moved on and became a famous athlete, he died of overdose. And then, Andy who had successfully graduated as a doctor and just started his resident years, committed suicide after failing to save a patient. Fortunately, I don't get to see everyone died. In the end, there were only Izzie and Sean left, and it turned out they have loved each other and decided to avoid dangerous things (Sean resigned from FBI to live a normal life with Izzie). And there you go, somehow the novel manages to create one happy ending (along with a lot of tragedies).

"Love, Rosie" has actually been made into a movie. I believe it came out last year, but we didn't get to see it though I have seen the poster somewhere. I downloaded the free PDF and read it from my phone. The novel is quite unique because the story is told in letter/chat/e-mail style. I think I've read similar type of novel before but my poor head can't remember the title. It was a chick lit though, that I'm sure.

The story focuses on the life of Rosie Dunne who has a best friend named Alex Stewart. They've been screwing around since early years, not knowing that they have loved each other. They originally lived in Ireland, but Alex moved to Boston before high school started. Rosie was to go to Boston to pursue her Hospitality study but was held back because she became pregnant (and eventually gave birth to Katie). Life was never the same after that, though they remained best friends. Rosie got to married once but ended her marriage after finding out that his husband cheated on her twice, while Alex himself married twice but was never really happy. After a long drama, finally they were reunited at the age of 50. Ha! They could have been together much earlier but life ALWAYS got in the way. I found myself sighed a lot reading this story.

I'm so used to reading stories with happy endings, so when I read such stories, I kinda get depressed afterwards (for a while). You always told me not to read too much novels and dramas because it would fill my head with such nice stories that are TOO GOOD TOO BE TRUE. Yea, I kinda understand why you'd say that to me. You need me to be realistic, rite? But hey, novels these days, they become much more realistic.

It's not that I don't want to be realistic - I am a realistic person. A rather pessimistic person, compared to most people who are optimistic. I don't get my hopes too high so I won't be hurt much if I fall eventually. That is, at least, my theory.

No matter how prepared I am, in the end, when I fell that day, I fell hard. Deep inside I know that such day would come. I tried my best to cherish everyday - in fact, I still am. I never regret a single thing I've chosen since the first time. Even if I had to repeat it all over again, I would still choose the same path. I begin to wonder if I am, as my father said, a naive little girl. It's his fault anyway, letting me watch all those Disney Princesses with their happy endings. I kinda want one too, for myself.

It's been some times now, and I gotta admit that there are times I just sit and think to myself... what would have happened if those things haven't been spoken? Would it be as it has always been until now? Saa... It's just that, my head can't find where I went wrong that it led us here now. I know that we've been avoiding things, but eventually we need to get real. Apparently, life gets in the way...

I may never know what it is inside your head, but I was sincerely happy and grateful for what I have been through. 

Luke 12:54 says "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

It's kinda empty here, I wonder if that part had flown away that day with the treasure. I don't know if it will ever come back, but I hope it does fine out there. Maybe, just maybe, if fate is willing to re-write this story into a much happier ending,.. we will find a way.

   

One Sunday

This is my first post in 2015 and hello, it's April. I've been too busy/lazy (dunno which one is right lol) to post anything since the new year began, but... here's a story.

Committees and partnerships

The event logo

Last Sunday I went to a social event called Pengetikan Ulang Buku untuk Tunanetra/PUBT (Retyping Books For The Blinds) DV SOS 2015 which was held by KMBD in association with TFI (Teach For Indonesia) and Tzu Chi Foundation.

Some friends of mine shared the information about this event weeks before on LINE and Facebook. They were searching for 1000 volunteers to participate and the registration was free. Typing has never been a problem for me, in fact I do quite like to type. I saw it as a good chance to put my 'hobby' into a good use. My mom encouraged me to participate since she heard that it had something to do with Tzu Chi Foundation. She likes to watch DAAI TV which is owned by Tzu Chi Foundation and said that the foundation had done good things and that I should join them (if I could). So, there I was...

Tzu Chi Foundation at PIK, Fourth Floor Hall - and that's my stamped hand! :)

The place is huge - almost looks like a castle to me. No need to mention, the inside is also amazing. There were 800+ volunteers along with the committees and other people. We were told to take off our shoes and put them in a bag - that's how they keep the place clean, I suppose. I went to the re-registration post once I got there and had my hand stamped. They also gave me a code - I7 Green, which meant that my seat was I7 in the green block. They had us typing in a big hall at the fourth floor.

The opening performances : Chinese Dancing with the fancy fans, musical
performances by the blind, and hand gestures performance

As usual, they opened the event with some speeches then continued with some performances. There were some kind of Chinese Dancing, motivational videos, and musical performances by some blind yet very talented people from a certain foundation. The videos told us about blind people who, in spite of their limitation, were very enthusiastic to read. Tzu Chi representatives also did a splendid hand gesture performance at the opening.

My first set! Supernova : Akar (page 76 - 91)

After that, we began our typing session. Every one was given approximately 15 pages of a book to re-type in about 4 hours. I was given page 76 - 91 from the novel "Supernova : Akar" by Dee and finished typing in about an hour. We had lunch at the basement at half past one then went back to the typing session afterwards. After I submitted my work, unexpectedly the committee gave me another set to type. My second set was from cover to page 9 of the novel "Madre", also by Dee. After the typing session ended, a Tzu Chi representatives gave a brief explanation about Tzu Chi and offered us to join their upcoming events.

Here's a sneak peak of what I re-typed :)

What deeply touched me was when they played the videos and when the blind people performed on the stage. Most people would feel embarrassed having such limitation and end up shutting themselves down. They would most likely feel unlucky and try to blame their fate. But that doesn't happen to these people. They are high-spirited people have their own bright thoughts about their future. Their limitation is not a reason for them to be different from other normal people. They have "hope" and believe that if they fight hard enough, they will be able to achieve their dreams.

My second set! Madre (cover to page 9) and it's written I6
for my seat because I got it mixed up with my partner hehe

Most of us will think that reading was quite a challenge for the blind - even though there's what we call braille codes to help them read. Nevertheless, these people, knowing how difficult it is to read, still have the will to read. In their opinion, reading can enrich their knowledge and at some times can give them pleasure. However, the number of books available in braille codes is still limited. Seeing how enthusiastic they are to read makes me feel that joining this event is the right thing to do. Even if it seems so simple to us but I am content to know that our little help may support them to achieve their dreams. 

The world keeps changing as new technology is invented everyday. We can easily see everyone busy with their gadgets which brings positive and negative effects at once. But I can tell that nowadays people become more reluctant to read books as they would rather to use their gadgets to search for information (thanks to the internet! everything seems so easy, in an instant just click click and there you go, the information you need) than to manually read the books. Well, I grew up reading a lot of books and I have always enjoyed my time to read books. I can't say that by reading books we can always find what we need, but there's always something else you discover and maybe, maybe not, it will be of any use someday. I believe that reading is not a wasting-your-time-activity and the habit should still be taught to the children these days. They say "The book is the window of the world" and I totally agree with them.

So, I would like to encourage people who have limitations, especially for the blind, that they should not give up on their dreams. "Where there is a will, there's a way", wise men say. The road may be a little bit tougher for you than other normal people, but that doesn't mean you don't have the same chance to achieve your dreams. And for the social activists for the blind, you are very wonderful people and should be proud for what you do. Even if you think that what you do is just a simple thing, but you will never know that your 'simple thing' may have a great effect for other people. I also want to say thank you for the committees for bringing this event and GOOD JOB, people! I am looking forward for the next event :)

Hello!

These past weeks have been just really busy, even when I am doing nothing, my mind keeps thinking about something. And there are times I feel like 24 hours a day is just not enough. My mood swings a lot, too. So, forgive me for those who might have tasted my wrath!

I can’t seem to understand but this has been a pattern for a while; I found the odd semester would always be messed up. Maybe that’s why they call it ‘odd’ (okay this has nothing to do with it), or maybe it’s just because of my brain starts to work again after 3 months of relaxing so it hasn’t worked with all its power (okay this is a positive thinking!). Anyway I’m thankful for having wonderful people around me that in spite of this mess which takes me down pretty much, they will always come and draw a smile on my face.

Yesterday was a lovely day, I got a chance to watch Big Hero 6 which I have been anticipated since months ago and never thought that it would be this awesome – totally in love with Baymax! I wish Hiro could give one to me. I laughed a lot, too. It’s been a while since the last time watching a movie that doesn’t need me to think much. Probably since The Guardians of Galaxy. I’m not sure since when I have begun to love Marvels.

Christmas is just a month away and I hope it can come sooner! Even though I don’t officially celebrate it, it has always been my favorite special day because everything seems to be cheerful.  I had a simple wish last Christmas and it’s been fulfilled already so I don’t actually have a specific wish this year. I just hope that everything will become better in the future, that I will be a better person and bring happiness to those around me.

I learnt two valuable things a while ago : the first one, I need to be grateful for everything I have. They say that you will be able to realize how precious a thing is after you lose it. The very thing that has always been with me and I can’t seem to sense its importance just lost and in that very moment I was so sick worried. I was about to give up (after I prayed) but then it showed up! That’s when I felt so grateful and I don’t want to lose it ever again.

The second one is that I need to put more faith in my loved ones. Life has taught me to depend only to myself because others may let you down unexpectedly and I can’t seem to forget this lesson. That’s why I tend to have doubts and let myself think too much about something. I can hardly put my mind at ease for the fear that someday the person I love will leave me. I thought I would never be able to trust again. But the something occurred to me and now I want to give it a go. There are things that don’t need much explanation in words but surely you can feel them. Even if it’s not spoken clearly, deep down I know it exists. Follow your heart, and you will find them in the sweetest place.

One Lesson

If I were to mention one lesson I had tried real hard to understand, that would be, the lesson to let something go.

I lived a happy childhood life and my kind of happiness was defined so simple that you might have heard the tweet by @disneywords saying “We can’t buy happiness, but we can buy Disney DVDs and that’s kinda the same” more or less. I remember being addicted to cartoons and animes, watching one single movie more than five times and that’s why I vividly remember some old Disney movies, whereas now it’s so hard to barely remember the plot of a movie I watched, say, last month. How Cinderella found her prince charming, how your happiness is waiting after you went into a big trouble; I was impressed by the saying “And they live happily ever after” and the tagline “Just believe and everything’s okay.”

Truth is, after living for quite some times, life is not that simple. Nothing lasts forever; whoever says otherwise, they are obviously lying. As time goes by you will see that life is a constant change. One day may be a moment of bliss, yet tomorrow may be a trap of hell. The very person you hold dear to your heart today may end up breaking you down tomorrow. There are so many aspects in one’s life you cannot expect them to go well at once. And life is definitely full of choices, indeed; the point is not which one is the right choice, but how you do what you choose properly. It’s hard to deny that your environment and the people around you, aside from your heart and your logic, also affect your choices.  

There are many, many choices I have made until now. And not to say, there would always be critics and disagreements for the choices I have made. There is this one thing I have quietly decided and lately some have criticized it so badly that I’m getting tired of listening to them. It is not that I didn’t give it a thought before making a decision and why I’m still holding on to it. Perhaps I need to admit that there is a selfish part of mine I cannot explain nor understand also took part in it. At first I only took it lightly just like Sunday morning breeze, but nowadays it feels like a terror, although still I’m trying my best not to pay attention to much to it.

As for the choice I have made, I didn’t make it halfway. I have prepared myself for the worst case possible; if I am to let it go, believe me, I am more than ready. I don’t want to regret it nor sulk in the misery which may come afterwards. I will take them as happy memories and treasure them instead. I am not praying this to happen, though. I still want to believe and cherish it as much as I can. What I am doing now is convincing myself why I am taking this road and that there is no such thing as returning. Let’s just enjoy it for a while.

If I were to think of every little detail, I might not be able to smile today. Thus, I just need to think of happy things and be grateful for whatever happened and will happen. You cannot expect something to stay the same, can you? And there is just no meaning to pull it so hard when it’s not meant to be. That’s when I realize, every encounter must end up with good bye. And that’s where you need to let it all go. There is only two good options : forget it for it’s too painful to bear, or, save it in your heart as a precious memory.

One

I have always loved this song. The lyrics are simple yet deeply touching, and quite explain some things hoho. First time listening to it when I was signing up to an online game and I came to love it ever since. Turns out to be an ost for a korean drama too. Beautifully sung :) Might want to do a cover for it someday.

When, I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one.
You didn't say a word to me,
But love was in the air.

Then you held my hand
Pulled me into your world
From then on my life
Has changed for good
Now I'll never feel lonely again
Cause you are in my life.

Love,
How can I explain to you?
The way I feel inside when I think of you
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don't you ever forget that I love you.

Love, I know that someday real soon
You'll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can't be together now.
Remember I am here for you.
When I know you're there for me.

Whenever I long to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you're here
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real
Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don't know dear, but I know we are One...

Halfway to Christmas~

is the other way to say that rite now is July, meaning, we have half a year to go to Christmas. Oh how I always love Christmas and the joy it brings, everything just seems to be good.

Like I said, it's July now and it's been months since my last post hoho. I am kinda expecting dry season anytime now, but truth is, it's been raining a lot, like, almost everyday. Good thing I already bought an umbrella. The weather is just unstable lately that it's getting hard to predict even by the meteorologists. Is this an impact of the green house effect, I wonder.

A few weeks earlier was the final exam week, and I had six exams in about two weeks. It wasn't as crazy as it was back in school when I got like fourteen exams in a week, phew, everyday was just like hell. I even calculated the time I had to read from chapter to chapter, how much I had left for eating dinner. Now is a lot, let's say, calmer, though the stress was almost even. I just couldn't bring myself to love exams, who could anyway? After all the exams were gone, we are now welcoming the holiday, a long one. A long one that you wish it ended soon. They didn't give a break here at all between odd and even semester, so it's kinda like they save it for the end of the even semester. I used to love long holiday, I mean, who don't? Holiday in my dictionary is defined as the times when you can sleep all day long, watch movies you have postponed during school days all you want, nothing to do, nothing to think about, meeting your old folks and having some fun. Holidays between school days were never seem to be enough that you wished they prolonged it for another week. However, now, I don't know anymore. I don't get that excited to welcome a holiday. I mean, it's a good thing you can go home and not staying at your boarding house instead, but I might have forgotten what it feels like to be home, since home didn't feel like home anymore :'(

A lot of things had happened I couldn't even remember the detail since the last time I wrote. They are not joking when they say "You're gonna miss high school", cause, I am! I am, I am, I very am missing high school, when everything looks more... proper, in order. Rite now is just so messy. Sometimes I feel like living someone else' life, when someone is calling to your name and you respond just because it's the name of the role you're playing. Weird, eh. But somehow I manage to keep things straight, at least, holding on to my basic principles. Although, along the way, I might have hurt some people I never intend to... Seems like you truly cannot please everyone. 

Okay, the thing is that, when I make someone cry, I do cry, too. Such a troublesome self :(

The next thing I can't bear is to see someone nice getting hurt and I just cannot do anything but to stay silent and hope times will heal the pain. Time is the best medicine after all.

Anyway I finally got my hands on Supernatural season 8! Isn't it nice to see them  back in action? :D

 

I have been waiting for the season to be completed so I can watch the episodes in marathon style. I am still excited to see the Winchesters back in action, but I gotta admit that the plots are getting hazier. Like, in a time Castiel would be a good guy, then he went berserk, then became a good guy again. And then Dean, he went to hell, then was pulled back by Castiel to earth, then traveled to purgatory. Two things you got after watching the show are that you couldn't believe in Angels anymore for we are not certain that they are actually good or bad, and, how easy it is to travel between Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory as if you were taking a vacation. Fortunately I'm quite grown up for not being brainwashed by such show hihi so I still enjoy em. Last episode shows that the angels are falling from sky. This, quite makes me curious what happens next, but we need to save it for next year. I hope next season will be better :)

Some times ago when I was doing my regular check on Yahoo's headlines, I found this heart-shocking article about one of my fave artists, Charice Pempengco. The article was talking about her confession for being a lesbian and that she apologized for being so :( That was, ultimately, shocking! I kinda understand though, that she did have a bad experience with guys for having an abusive father and it might have been the cause. Just because she is a lesbian, doesn't mean I hate her now, I still love her and her voice which is truly amazing now and then. We can leave the tiny details, can't we? I still am her fans and praying the best for her :)

Below (Charice now and then)

             

Dear March, Hi.

The rainy season is supposed to end anytime soon but a few days ago it rained like hell. And my weak self has caught cold three times consecutively since January... I hate it when I catch a cold, my voice drops to alto all of sudden and I have to spend at least one pack of picnic tissue. And I get sleepy all the time with dizzy head all day. And I sneeze a lot to the point that my eyes start to cry. I wonder why I am so weak anyway…

This time, last year, was pretty hectic. No, REAL hectic, because I was preparing myself to face the so-called-National Exam. It was frustrating and all… I’m just glad now that I have graduated with quite satisfying scores. March this year is still hectic, but in a whole different case.

I’m not sure where I am going now nor what is waiting for me in store. It feels like walking on a path with a thick fog blocking your way so you cannot actually see your destination. But I’m hanging on with all of my might because there’s no such thing like going back, and I cannot fall either - even if I know that every single piece in me starts to fall apart. Like a landslide. Landslide in my heart.

There are times when I feel like sitting without doing a thing, and I come to realize that it has become a habit to me, a poor habit that I know I should get rid of it real quick. As I go screen saver, I notice that the world keeps moving forward while I’m left behind. So sad, living in the current year, but my head and my heart are living in another year. Like a zombie. But zombies don’t have hearts – I do. So I’m not actually a zombie, to make it clear.

It’s frightening how this essay is going to the wrong topic with each sentence I type.

I used to write a lot, now that I rarely write, I just realize my writing is getting hazy. I need to work on it somehow. As for closing tonite… I think I want to re-write some lyrics for my cherished ones.

“I’ll make a wish for you and hope it will come true,

That life would just be kind to such a gentle mind.

If you lose your way, think back on yesterday

Remember me this way…

Remember me this way.”