Esperanza (Hope)

This is a unique song from Nishino Kana with latin style music and of course her pure high pitch voice I favor so much! Perhaps it sounds like a happy song, but it is actually a sad love story of a girl.
Download and enjoy! :)
Here's the lyrics plus the translation :

Kimi e no omoi wo kogashiteku taiyou
Mune no takanari wo tomenaide itai no
Kanawanai koi to omoitakunai yo
Tatoe mirai ga mienakute mo

The sun burns my feelings for you
I don’t want to stop the violent beating of my heart
I don’t want to think this is a hopeless love
Even if that means the future becomes unclear

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Kimi no egao ga mabushi sugite
Marude natsu no taiyou mitai de
Motto hayaku ni deattetara
Hitorijime dekita no kana
Chakushin ki ni suru shisen ga setsunai
Ano ko ni naritai
Tada kokoro dake ga sakenderu

Your smile is too dazzling
It shines like the summer sun
Could I have made you mine
If we had met sooner?
I keep checking for messages with a sad glance
I want to become that girl
My heart is shouting

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara
Motto yasashiku dekiru no ni
Nani ga tari nai no?
Nani ga makete iru no?
Dare yori suki na no ni

If I was that girl
I would be much kinder to you
What am I lacking?
How is she better than me?
I love you more than anyone, but…

Soudan aite ni sareru tabi ni
Harisake souna kokoro wo kaku shiteru
Kuchi wo kiku tabi kitai shiteru
Watashitte ZURUI no kana

Whenever you confide in me
I hide my broken heart
Whenever you complain about her
I get my hopes up. Is that mean?

Konnani chikaku ni iru no ni
todokanai, ano ko ni narenai
Tada kokoro dake ga kowareteku

You’re so close to me yet I can’t reach you
I can’t become that girl
My heart is breaking

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you

Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara
Kitto wagamama iwanai no ni
Nani mo iranai no nani mo kowakunai no
Dare yori suki dakara

If I was that girl
I would never be selfish
I wouldn’t need anything
I wouldn’t be afraid of anything
Because I love you more than anyone

Kimi e no omoi wo kogashite iku taiyou
Mune no takanari wo tomenaide hoshii no
Kanawanai koi to omoitakunai yo
Itsuka mirai wo kaetai kara
The sun burns my feelings for you
I want you to keep making my heart beat violently
I don’t want to think this is a hopeless love
Because I want to change the future someday

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no yasashisa wo shiritakute
Ato sukoshi dake soba ni isasete
Tatta hitori watashi dake wo mite
My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your kindness
Let me be with you a little longer
Look at no one but me

Manatsu no koi ga kogoeteru
Kimi no nukumori ni furetakute
Ato dore kurai nakeba ii no?
Tatta hitori kimi ni aisaretakute
Moshimo watashi ga ano ko dattara zutto
Kimi dake mi teru no ni
Nani ga okotte mo nani ga jama wo shite mo
Dare yori suki dakara

My midsummer love is freezing
I want to feel your warmth
How much longer until I can cry?
I want to be loved by you, only you
If I was that girl
I would always look at you only
Whatever might happen
Whatever might interfere
Because I love you more than anyone

credits for : http://makikawaii-jklyrics.blogspot.com/2011/05/kana-nishino-esperanza-lyrics.html

Myself - Chieko Motoda (translation)

Why, oh why do I love you so much?
My tears overflow this much

Back in that time, there was so much to lose that I couldn't sing
anything
A place just a little ways away--That was where I was

That day, deep in your eyes, I saw the loneliness
Are the two of us really alike?
If I'd realized it, you were always by my side

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings inside me so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
From afar, I realize it now

Like a lost child, crying and searching
But there was no such thing as forever

"It's okay if you don't believe in anyone" you whispered
Were the two of us really alike?
And I decided then I would protect you

Why can't I turn them to memories
You're too far, too near for me to reach
The more I tell myself "I will forget"
The larger you loom in my thoughts

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings (inside me) so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
I realize it now from afar

Why do I love you so much?
It's so easy I just can't answer



(credits to : www.gendou.com) 

March Story

Sometimes I think to myself, if I were Wendy and I met Peter Pan, I would like to accept his offer to stay as a child for eternity. Being a grown up is not as fun as I used to think. As a child you always want to grow up so you can practically do anything you want without parents saying no to everything you want to try. Honestly, that’s an absolutely wrong thought and someone has to clarify that. “Kids, why don’t you just live your childhood to your fullest?”

The more you grow up, the bigger responsibility you ought to take, the clearer you see how this cruel world really is, the more you know the things you’d wish you never knew. I’m turning 18 years old this year, but why deep inside I feel like nothing has changed since I was 12? This feeling, this way of thinking, this smile, my definition of happiness… Time has passed, my body has grown taller, but some things sure never change.

When I checked my calendar, I was like “Gosh, it’s March already.”

In less than two months I’ll be doing my national exam. Graduation, and then start a new path as a college student. Should I be happy? I dunno, how should I know when my thoughts and feeling are all mixed up? It feels like riding a roller coaster without a mental preparation, where you’re forced to go through a journey in a high speed – so fast till you don’t even know what you’ve been through and choose to close your eyes instead.

There are lots of things bugging my mind. School, friends, family, future, love… Why are there so many aspects in one’s life? Hm.

As a third grader, this year is my final year studying in a school. I’ve been doing endless exams and studying lately, yet I still feel so far from being prepared. Senior high is a real thing, so much different from junior high back then. I need to consider everything, every step I take. It’s just that I’m still stuck with my old friend, carelessness. Why can’t I just make friends with luck? Where has he gone? Luck hasn’t been around lately. And I have to blame myself for being down – hate to admit it but I’m just the type to feel down when something doesn’t go as I expected. I hate losing, but I hate myself even more for not being able to accept a loss. When I received the results of my recent practice test, they’re not as good as I have expected. And it makes me wonder why. Why is it when I feel like I can do it, the results turn out to be the other way around? Is it what they call “Man proposes, God disposes?” Gah. Seriously.

Today my teacher told me a story. Well, he had told it the other day, but I believe he just loves that story that he doesn’t mind to repeat it once again. Okay. I don’t need to re-tell the story (to keep the copyright), so I just take the moral lesson (or coda, in English lesson).

“When you love someone, you just have to pursue him/her before it gets too late.”

Don’t get me wrong, there’s no love lesson in my school, but he happened to tell a story about his past and it is quite interesting, indeed. Honestly, I felt touched listening to story, like, “Why why why the story just fits mine?” It makes me re-think about my own position. I felt like being the girl in the story, or was it just my imagination? (who knows?) And I asked myself, “Is this how my story’s gonna end if I keep everything silent?”

Like I said. It’s not that I don’t want to, but there are lots of things need to be considered. My head keeps playing the same picture I don’t wish to see. The day I ought to say “good bye” and regret all the things I’ve done. I can’t bear it, I’d rather stay in the safe place. But it’s not okay anyway…

Just if my life was like the Sims, when I took a wrong step, I could re-do it all over again. But in fact I can’t, this life is only once.

Over all, I’m still grateful that I have lots of good people surrounding me. My friends, I know I can trust and rely on them. My besties, I know they will always be there for me. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

I know that I can’t stay like this forever, I need to grow up, mentally. Somehow.